{"id":8721,"date":"2014-11-09T17:51:47","date_gmt":"2014-11-10T00:51:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/?p=8721"},"modified":"2016-05-12T08:16:30","modified_gmt":"2016-05-12T15:16:30","slug":"all-you-need-is-putin-nukes-america","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/all-you-need-is-putin-nukes-america\/","title":{"rendered":"All You Need Is Putin, Nukes And A Sharpie"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/AllYouNeedIsASharpie.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/AllYouNeedIsASharpie.png\" alt=\"Putin, NATO, Ukraine, War, Rita, Iron Man\" width=\"378\" height=\"542\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8771\" srcset=\"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/AllYouNeedIsASharpie.png 378w, http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/AllYouNeedIsASharpie-209x300.png 209w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 378px) 100vw, 378px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>FADE IN:<\/p>\n<p><center><strong>INT. RADIO STUDIO, WASHINGTON DC &#8211; MORNING- SUNLIT WINDOWS<\/strong><\/center><\/p>\n<p>SOUND:  Theme music, PERKY GUITAR as we see &#8211;<\/p>\n<p>RADIO HOST is maybe 45. Slightly pale. Looks BUSINESS LIKE in shirt and tie. Sits at TABLE across from ASHBURY. Both wear HEADPHONES. <\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST (V.O.)<br \/>\nWelcome to CNMBS&#8217; FRESH AIR.<\/center><center> ZYX Resident Scholar Ambrose Marius Ashbury the First is here.<\/center><center>Deerfield grad, Williams then an Athenian poetry PhD from Yale.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>Doctor, good morning.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>ASHBURY, in dark suit, black glasses. A green room WARRIOR of plastic age, demeanor is one who just UPGRADED TO FIOS. <\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nCall me Ash.  All my interns do.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><Center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nSooo. Your NRO review on Christopher Nolan\u2019s<\/center><center>new movie Interstellar is burning up <i>Buzzfeed<\/i>.<\/center><center>But first, in the Washington Post you call for general European <i>war<\/i>\u2026<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Ashbury UNFOLDS SMILE. <\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nWe\u2019re already at war. I&#8217;m just saying it out loud.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Radio host reaches for a DUNKIN DONUTS coffee but pauses, picks up handwritten question LIST.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"CNMBS Presents FRESH AIR\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/dtXk2XGJ5w4?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><br \/>\n<!--more--><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nAnother war?  What&#8217;s going on?<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Ashbury\u2019s smile WIDENS.<\/p>\n<p><Center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nLook, it\u2019s Russia. Same deal. Stalin. Nukes. Putin. They\u2019re marching.<\/center><center> Who&#8217;s next? Prague? Topeka?<\/center><center>We\u2019re just <i>women<\/i>, talking. <i>God awful<\/i>.<\/center><center> A woman is ushering in the EU\u2019s surrender even now.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nAngela Merkel? She&#8217;s pushing sanctions on Russia. I thought Hillary\u2026<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Ashbury looks like he\u2019s repeating lines from MEMORY. He is.<\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nSanctions are useless. They never work. Ever.<\/center><center>Impact on Russians?  ZERO. Forget it.<\/center><center> Russians only respect force.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Radio host checks off list question with BLUNT short PENCIL.<\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nSo why do sanctions at all?<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Ashbury feigns surprise. He\u2019s bored already. He\u2019s been in this EXACT conversation dozens of times before. <\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY (rote)<br \/>\nSanctions are vital. The West\u2019s resolve to defend Sloviansk. Russians study every <i>signal<\/i>.<\/center><center>This Administration needs <i>much<\/i> stronger sanctions.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Producer informs Radio host in headphone Sloviansk is in Ukraine.  Radio host losses train of thought.<\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2014\/09\/01\/opinion\/arm-ukraine-or-surrender.html\">Uhhhh\u2026 so you call for US troops in Ukraine,<\/center><center>airstrikes on Russians. With no danger of escalation<\/a>&#8230;<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Ashbury drifts into his ZONE. He loves this one ROCK STAR moment.  He turns in chair like Roger Ebert on his old TV show. <\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nIt&#8217;s that or surrender.<\/center> <center>Even the <i>Scowcroft<\/i> Center wants air strikes.<\/center> <center>OK not Scowcroft <i>per se<\/i>, just a random staffer tweeting, but still. So&#8230; <i>yeah<\/i>, air strikes.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nWhat about the Ukrainian people?<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Ashbury waves hand.<\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<\/center><br \/>\n<center>No. Just no. Calling for airstrikes means we don\u2019t use them.<\/center><center>Move narrative goal posts, move governments&#8230;<\/center><center>Maybe some military aid stuff wind ups in Kiev? I don&#8217;t know. 50-50ish?<\/center><center>It&#8217;s really <i>not<\/i> the point. This isn&#8217;t your older brother&#8217;s Iraq. We&#8217;re doing a re-boot.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Radio host scans his list. Can&#8217;t read his own handwriting.<\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nWhat if you push too far<\/center><center> and people back away, then Ukraine gets no real help.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nNot a problem. <i>This<\/i> time Russia really is<\/center><center>killing innocent people. That\u2019s the re-boot.<\/center><center><i>You&#8217;re<\/i> thinking Saddam and Spiderman with TOBY MAGUIRE back in 2002.<\/center><center>Libya? Two IRON MAN sequels ago. Ancient news.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Radio host drops his list, starts to twirl pencil.<\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nThis feels like recent tired Daily Show sketches.  Even Colbert&#8217;s leaving. <\/CENTER><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nLet me put it this way. What if Putin <i>nukes<\/i> Kharkov?<\/center><center> Not saying he will, I&#8217;m just asking.<\/center><center><i>Bold<\/i> second act stuff.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Producer via headphones tells Radio host where Kharkov is. <\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY (CONT&#8217;D)<br \/>\nThe West?  We\u2019d fold. <\/center> <center>Game over. NATO, the EU? Done. Kaput.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>Hello new Russian empire, goodbye Katy Perry! <\/center><center>What a downer. America <i>must<\/i> stop it by controlling the script. <\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nStop the nuking? Or the war?<\/center> <\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<\/center><center>Exactly. Our military? <i>Un<\/i>stoppable. <\/center><center>Our economy is 8 times bigger. Sanctions are hurting them bad.<\/center><center> Like clubbing baby seals.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>But <i>we<\/i> can\u2019t risk the <i>idea<\/i> Putin could nuke Europe and wreck Walmart. He wins the re-write.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nSome people take you literally.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nI&#8217;m not responsible for HOW people react.<\/center><center>Kant said that. Pretty sure.<\/center><br \/>\n<center>It&#8217;s a new arms race. The Russians &#8212; <i>way ahead<\/i> on all this.<\/center><center>An old French guy. <i>Bow-drill-hard<\/i>. Truth is irrelevant.<\/center><center>Some Russians practically worship him. Let me <i>tell you<\/i>, in this game?  The Russians &#8212; <i>Bow-drill-hard<\/i> but on PS4s.<\/center><center> We&#8217;re using 360s without multi-player. Russia Today makes <i>Fox<\/i> look like Walter Cronkite. <\/p>\n<p>Objectivity. Just kills us.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nUkrainians are in a real war, right?<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nNo kidding. Big time. Total high risk deal.<\/center><br \/>\n<center>The IMF type people, there\u2019ll be money and so forth.<\/center><center>In fact, they\u2019ll be completely fine. Probably\u2026most likely (trailing off).<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>(perks up) It\u2019s just we&#8217;re writng the <i>trickiest<\/i> reboot since Batman Begins.<\/center><center> And this White House is&#8230;Superman Returns (blanches face). We\u2019ve lost script dominance.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nSo calling airstrikes to defeat <i>our<\/i> question of a possible Russian<\/center><center>idea they <i>might<\/i> be thinking of a nuclear war&#8230;<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nAll I did was ask a question. It\u2019s simple. Russians are playing NFL, we&#8217;re baseball.<\/center><center>And it\u2019s third and goal. What good is a mitt?<\/center><\/p>\n<p>SOUND: Theme music begins to swell. <\/p>\n<p>Both men slide off headphones. PLEDGE DRIVE promo in BACKGROUND. Off air. <\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nHow was it? Did you get what you need for the teaser?<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nYeah. Thanks. One more segment before the next bump?<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Ashbury nods. Both re-center their headphones.<\/p>\n<p>SOUND: Theme music begins to fade OUT.<\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST (CONT\u2019D)<br \/>\nAnd we\u2019re back. Dr. Ashbury, a final question.  Over drinks say \u2014 what\u2019s your <i>real<\/i> opinion?<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY (slight pause, caught off guard)<br \/>\nVery meta. Don\u2019t normally go there. Not even for donors\u2026clients.<\/center> <center>No fingerprints I always say.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>Putin\u2019s kicked the chess board. He doesn\u2019t want to invade Europe.<\/center><center> But I can&#8217;t tell my clients there that. They need this new script more than we do.<\/center> <center>It&#8217;s just \u2026 Russia&#8217;s perception managing us into the <i>ground<\/i>.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>Putin&#8217;s script is a <i>loser<\/i>. Too many details, strange names.<\/center><center>28, 35 European countries nag like ex-wives?<\/center><center>That\u2019s Russia&#8217;s third act?<\/center><center>Bad Reality TV Dostoevsky.<\/center>  <\/p>\n<p><center>America can do it. Emotion, forward or back.<\/center><center>Air strikes in Ukraine or surrender. People don\u2019t like choice.<\/center><center>We must Bow-drill-<i>HARDER<\/i>. That&#8217;s my advice.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nKeeping sanctions, rebuilding and eventually arming Ukraine is&#8230;<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nTotal dog. Tested it with every demo.<\/center><center>That\u2019s <i>them<\/i>.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Ashbury points at window. Maybe trying to find the White House but it\u2019s a CLOSED SBARROS.<\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY (CONT\u2019D)<br \/>\nWho even knew <i>what<\/i> a KOBANI was 5 weeks ago?<\/center><center> Now? Upper West Side kids demand we go in there, Syria, Turkey, whatever, you know, and just win.<\/center><center> <i>That&#8217;s<\/i> real script control.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nWait. You&#8217;re talking scripts or a real war? It doesn&#8217;t end.<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\n<i>Nope<\/i>. And it never did.<\/center> <center>The Russians have 1991 in re-write as we speak.<\/center><center>But you <i>can<\/i> do something. Write a number on your hand.<\/center>           <\/p>\n<p>Ashbury shows Radio host his LEFT HAND with a number on it in BLACK SHARPIE: 34.<\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY (CONT\u2019D)<br \/>\nEach time you feel you\u2019ve lived this re-boot loop before?  Mark it.<\/center><center>That&#8217;s how you remember.<\/center><\/p>\n<p>SOUND: Theme music.  PRE-RECORDED host sign off, theme music. OFF AIR SIGN lights.<\/p>\n<p>Both remove headphones. They shake hands.<\/p>\n<p><center>RADIO HOST<br \/>\nWe\u2019ll send a web link.  Sorry we missed Interstellar. You <i>were<\/i> different &#8212; <\/center><center><i>but good, very good<\/i> &#8212; I expected, I don&#8217;t know&#8230;<\/center><\/p>\n<p><center>ASHBURY<br \/>\nYeah, I get that a lot. We\u2019re from the Yonkers branch \u2026 <\/p>\n<p>Interstellar? <i>Long Brit chick flick<\/i> with rockets. Guy next to me cried. (laughs, hands Radio host a new Sharpie).<\/center><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/left.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/left.png\" alt=\"AEI,Loop,War,Sharpie,Fred Hiatt\" width=\"264\" height=\"143\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8811\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>THE END.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>An AEI Resident Scholar Explains The Info War With Russia<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","two_page_speed":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,26,12,8],"tags":[261,259,116,257,97],"class_list":{"0":"post-8721","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-comedy","7":"category-defense","8":"category-foreign-policy","9":"category-pop-culture","10":"tag-defense","11":"tag-foreign-policy","12":"tag-nato","13":"tag-pop-culture","14":"tag-russia","15":"entry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8721","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8721"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8721\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8721"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8721"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stiftungleostrauss.com\/bunker\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8721"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}