1. RWR: ‘Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!’
BHO: ‘Let me be clear: it would be within regulatory guidelines to update this wall with 21st century urban planning.’
[The next day]: ‘Seeking regulatory permits to enable freedom in no way should be construed as commenting on the wisdom of doing so.’
2. RWR: ‘America will always be that shining city on the hill, a beacon for the world.’
BHO: ‘We must create new green jobs. America will lead the way becoming a 13 watt CFL Mini Spiral Energy Star Twist Compact Fluorescent visible in Trenton.’
3. RWR: ‘My fellow Americans, I am pleased to announce that today I have signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union forever. We begin bombing in 5 minutes.’
BHO: ‘My fellow Americans, I am pleased to announce that today I have turned over the most important element of American foreign policy to David Petraeus. David will begin prolonging the war in 5 minutes declaring he *reversed* the Taleeeeeban momentum by issuing a single press release.’
(Only one of these is a joke).
4. RWR: ‘How can a president *not* be an actor?’
BHO: (Pick any moment from the last 18 months).
5. RWR: ‘Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.’
BHO: ‘To combat this Great Recession we – not Bush – we enacted massive tax cuts that every non-quack economist warned would have no stimulative effect on the economy. To preserve the plutocratic gilded casino economy, we enacted weak, deliberately toothless financial reform legislation. We protected Big Pharma and the insurance monopolies with a watered down health care that does little to reverse outrageous price gouging and puts all meaningful change years away into the future.
To preserve American militarization and threat culture, didn’t I order that Americans abroad can be assassinated? Didn’t we expand covert paramilitary activity worldwide beyond Bush requests? My first defense budget set an all time American record. Who escalated the quagmire in Afghanistan?
Did I not make permanent the idea of Perpetual War at home? Who defended and even pushed beyond Bush Unitary Executive concepts of State Secrets? I gave a complete and total pass to everyone involved in torture and war crimes. Washed my hands. I’ve fought to expand the Patriot Act, too, and legitimized non-judicial, unsupervised NSA and FBI domestic surveillance. Bush’s radicalism is now normal. I gave it the patina and legitimacy of bi-partisianship. I made Siege State America permanent for decades. That’s right. I did all that.
Who continues to ensure the financial engineering economy prospers and offers just words to the poor, homeless and dying middle class? Even now? I even appointed two middle of the road, weak and unimpressive Supreme Court nominees to appease the Rightists. My nominees are no match for the Roberts Court radicalism.
What more do Republicans want of me? I’ve spat in the face of my base at almost every chance. Fired staff whenever Fox tells me to.
Heck, I’ll even give the Rightists Nancy Pelosi’s job. What do I have to do to keep mine?’
Did we miss anything?