Back Seat Driving In The Gaza Strip

I’m Not Saying We Wouldn’t Get Our Hair Mussed . . .

[Scene One — ‘Presidential Elect Suite’, Kahala Hotel & Resort, Hawaii] [INT. HOTEL ROOM OVERLOOKING OCEAN, DARK — DAY — ESTABLISHING]

[BOY KING IN BATHING SUIT]

‘Let me be clear. And I’ve said this before. This electric failure is why we need my infrastructure program. My iPod just died. Wittgenstein summed it up when he said ‘The negation of the absolute is the essence of seeing the internal universal in all.”

[MICHELLE IN SUN DRESS]

‘Honey, please give it a rest? Wittgen whatever isn’t gonna charge my cell phone or your little iPod.’

[BOY KING]

‘Alright, how about this? Without the juice I ain’t got no muse! Without the flow, I just can’t go! We need the volt or we’ll have to bolt . . . We . . .

[MICHELLE]

‘I love you. Really. But face it, Honey. You don’t have it. That sounds like Anderson Cooper. Now Jesse, Jr., well he . . .


[KNOCKING]

[JIM JONES (muffled)]

‘Mr. President elect? May I enter? There’s a situation developing in Gaza . . . I have some emergency communications gear.’

[2 HOURS LATER, INT. HOTEL ROOM, GROUP HUDDLED OVER EMERGENCY NSA SPEAKER PHONE ON DINING TABLE]

[BOY KING]

‘So let me get this straight, Hillary. Rice told you that the Israelis intend to extinguish and annihilate Hamas without mercy? To erase them from the face of the earth?’

[HRC via SPEAKER PHONE]

‘Yes. She said it will be a war to the end. Their boys will give us a head start and deliver half a megaton of high explosives and there’s no stopping them now. They intend to preserve the purity of their bodily fluids. We’re still trying to figure out what that last part means.’

[BOY KING]

‘They’re off their rockers, that’s what it means.’

[HRC — talking in background on her end of conference call]

‘Well, I’d like to with hold judgment until all the facts are in.’

[DAVID AXELROD via SPEAKER PHONE]

‘Mr. President Elect, if I may? Don’t forget that you crushed McCain in the Palestinian-American vote. It wasn’t even close. Almost all of them.’

[BOY KING]

‘All? That’s impressive.’

[DAVID AXELROD]

‘Yes, sir. 937 out of 1,102.’

[BOY KING]

‘Districts?’

[DAVID AXELROD]

‘Uh, votes, sir.’

[RAHM EMMANUEL via SPEAKER PHONE]

‘Sir? Can I just ask that we stop fucking around and wasting our damn fucking time with this fucking nonsense? The key question before you, sir, is whether the United States government will receive their ambassador or not. All the rest is horse shit. So, are we fucking going to talk to him or not?’

[AWKWARD SILENCE]

[MICHELLE]

‘Honey, you’re the hope of change. Millions are behind us because you stand for a new future. A different kind of future. Don’t forget that.’

[BOY KING]

‘I will lead a path to a brighter future. And we must talk with our enemies. Without fear. So, thank you Rahm, yes, I have made my decision. We have one president at a time. But Hillary, you are authorized to return the call and set up a meeting.’

[HRC]

‘I will call the Ambassador from the Weekly Standard back right away . . . and find out exactly what ‘Next stop Syria means.’