Because America Deserves President Trump

Not just because everything would be ‘classy, world class, the best.’ We expect that from our presidents. And get over the hair. Nixon? Carter? Reagan?

America deserves Trump because they are both two of a kind: highly leveraged while pretending to be solvent and wealthy. Trump knows how to negotiate with creditors when in default. When you owe a bank $75,000 you’re in trouble. When it’s $2.2 billion, they’re screwed. The coming bankruptcy will be history’s largest. Who better than the Donald?

Plus, with Trump America can welcome Roger Stone back into the limelight. A former dirty trickster for Nixon he was later one of the founding members of Black, Manafort & Stone (Atwater didn’t want to become a lobbyist). He has lingered in the shadows since.

Imagine Trump selling off toxic collateralized debt on QVC: ‘These historic collectors items are the best, only these instruments are fit to bear my name. And you know I insist on everything being the finest in the world. Order now and Ivanka will also add a special edition of ‘Trump Cologne’, the classiest cologne. Call now before we sell out of these premium, unique investments and a piece of American history.’

We could go on, but surely you see the inevitability?


  1. sglover says

    For the first time since 1976, I’ve been assuming that I’d sit this next election out. All subsequent ones, too — if we even bother to go through with the ritual by then. Why bother?

    But…. Yeah. Trump **is** THE ZEITGEIST. As the immortal prelude to The Big Lebowski has it, “Sometimes there’s a man….. Sometimes there’s a man….” Trump in ’12! Fuck yeah!!

  2. Comment says

    Flipping around just saw Lupus Maximus Wolfowitz the comblicker on CNN – On that British guy who replaced King. Creepy.

  3. says

    Good point about the hair. Could be worse. Could be William Shatner. Speaking as a cartoonist, The Don’s combover could be a positive boon.

    Still… Ivanka as First Lady? Eeeewwww.

    p.s.: Don’t call me Shirley.

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