Schrödinger’s Migraine (Updated Sat. AM With New Illustration)

The setting: President Obama flies without pre-conditions to meet the Presidents of Iran, Syria and Venezuela in Tehran. At Andrews Air Force Base, he declares the era of ‘Personal Engagement’ is upon us. (He is accompanied by his National Security Advisor Ivo Daalder and Obama’s Saban Center 33 year old tykes/NSC Staff; inexplicably, Joe Biden is still waiting to get picked up at the U.S. Capitol for the plane ride).

Schrodinger’s Paradox With Obama*


Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: So President Obama, on behalf of the Iranian-Hezbollah-Syrian-Venezuelan Axis, we welcome you to Tehran.

President Obama My strong vision is to propose that we do this. But I am fully aware that I support the notions that we have to deal with the problem of, and make a bolder future, but I also know that it can’t be solved by the thinking of the past. Do you have a driver’s license?

Hugo Chavez Que?

AhmadinejadPresident Obama, in the name of peace, I ask you this question which stumped the IAEA. What is the most efficient way to sort a million 32-bit integers?

Obama Well, as a State Senator, I proposed that we enter direct negotiations with number sorting powers to create international bubble sorting standards and I edited three Comments at Harvard about this. I can definitely say my wife tells me the wrong way would be the “bubble sort method,” which is a basic but inefficient method for sorting numbers. As President, I promise that all peoples of the world, white people, brown people, yellow people, dirty people and all who yearn for people-hood will sort bubbles.

Assad [in Arabic] Hey you know, it’s not like he’s Kucinich, it took my scientists two years after water boarding to realize that . . .

Ahmadinejad [to Assad in Farsi — Cut the Arabic, Tool, this is the dawn of the new Persian Empire. Kneel before Zod.]

Obama Today, my National Security Advisor Ivo Daalder presented each of you draft proposals for Treaties of Peace, Friendship, Broadband Connectivity and Symbology. If we can summon forth the hopes and aspirations of our peoples, and I know there are some who say this is not possible, but those are voices of the past. From the black asphalt of Interstate 95 to the high mounds of dirt out West, there is no incline we can not surmount. It is rapid eye movement that I have. That Terrorist Men, Thuggish Men, Insane Men, Naive Men, all can join together. It is rapid eye movement I have.

One day down in Tyre, with its Iranian rockets, with their SAM sites scanning using old Soviet frequency hopping spread spectrum; one day right down in Hertlizyah, little Ashkenazi boys and girls will be able to join hands with little Venezuelan boys and girls as sisters and brothers. And proclaim, we have free Hannah Montana tickets, free at last, thank God Almighty, we have free at last Hannah Montana tickets . . .

It is a rapid eye movement I have today . . . [intense stare].

Ahmadinejad and Assadيستغل لي (nek ni)

Chavez Que?, Que? No comprendo lo que ocurre.

(collectively — we miss Darth (sigh))

Sat AM Update:

n.b. We’ve read some of the emails and comments and re-configured the illustration above. The original item juxtaposed Obama’s wave form in the Box avec une jeune fille in Tehran purchasing Western fashion goods. There was an unfortunate (and unintended) possibility of a Harold Ford advertisement connotation from that collage. In this hyper charged environment everyone should be aware of how art can be misconstrued or genuinely perceived. We’ve tried to be sensitive to that here while still following our muse. We have to agree with the feedback here. It’s a shame because the original photo from Tehran caught a moment in time, a wonderful melange of a young woman’s excitement in exploring fashion while conceding only the slightest token nod to the Ayatollahs.

The new piece includes Hello Kitty so maybe it is all for the best, anyway.

As we noted before, we would be happy to consider Obama in some future time should he show true experience — beyond symbolism and a good Jefferson Dinner speech. In our opinion, these will be dark days for the Republic ahead and we don’t need someone else bringing a super soaker to a JDAM strike. We have plenty of those already [insert your favorite here].


  1. Comment says

    Maybe Jay-Z should get together and do a dueling rap with Paulson – sampling from Ambassador Joe Wilson’s cover of “Fire On The Mountain..” – You can trace thee rise of Canada’s dollar from the moment Lord Black said ’tis time to part. It’s interesting when the ridiculous begins to make sense.

  2. A Random Quote says

    “Mr. Romney, though, said that he sometimes had wished he were in Vietnam instead of France. “There were surely times on my mission when I was having a particularly difficult time accomplishing very little when I would have longed for the chance to be serving in the military,” he said in an interview, “but that was not to be.”
    ~NYTimes 11-15-07

  3. Aldershot says

    The more I see of Obama, the more BS-y he sounds. I know he’s smart, good, and with-it, but his speech pattern comes across to me as stilted trying to sound assured.

    Any takers on which Dem would have the necessary assurance, knowledge, and experience to negotiate?

  4. Comment says

    re “One day down in Tyre” – This reminds us of the Drury novel Come Ninevah, Come Tyre – We never finished because it seemed old when we saw it and it seemed too much of a stretch. Nevertheless – it has some currency on the right – though it would be a rather recondite reference now if someone alluded to it on the campaign.
    Anyway – Barack could knock HRC off a a news cycle or two if he familiarized himself with the book – Also, if he gets the nomination (not gonna happen) the outline of the narrative that will be constructed against him is similar to the gist of the book, so he could pre-empt that- If a reporter asks him what he is reading he could demur, than allow that he his reading Come Ninevah, Come Tyre , an old novel he picked up and was intrigued by because it seemed like a story about an American President who resemble Bush and Soviet Pres who resembled Putin.
    If he did this cleverly he could cause a stir on the right sensing he was poaching a narrative emotionally dear to them – One they were gonna use against him with Iran and the actual Ninevah province in Iraq.

  5. Comment says

    Herr Doktor – pretty good – but it must be said that it is still difficult to get a true thread on Obama’s palaver. Though we have been supportive of him since he emerged as a semi plausible critic of the war – he has since been contrained by his lack of experience and his difficulty articulating his rational in the context of a campaign. So we have been saddend to hear someone who can be articulate speak in that manner you render above.

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