Stay Classy, America

We turn now to our expert twit panel for twits they have been talking to

RON: And now, we turn to the best team for twits and tweets on television. Slash, let’s start with you. Your take?

SLASH: The essential organizational decision to propel the momentum of protest into a political insurgency requires maintaining both communications and propagating a program of positive energy with concrete social change. ‘Basaji hunting’ in my view is a programmatic dead end and distraction from organizing further general strikes and political engagement.

RON: Wow . . . Uh, Dr. Rice? You once said we said the war in Lebanon and the war crimes committed there were the birth pangs of the Middle East. Is this another pang?

CHER CONDI: Tweet, tweet.

RON: How very. Chuck Norris, you are an out of shape C actor from dreadful TV shows. Your only claim to fame recently seems to be an obscure presidential candidate hijacked joke webpages about you. Your view on Tehran?

CHUCK: I think Slash hit on the vital aspect of maintaining cohesive and positive communications for a sustained long haul struggle to redefine the equilibrium not only between people and State but also between the ruling clerics themselves. That top oligarchical fissure will be the arbiter for the future in the end.

DICK: Eh. Tweet. Tweet. Tweet.

RON: Mr. Vice President, please hold for the next segment. Borat? Your thoughts?

BORAT: Is crazy, no? The geopolitical balance could well be offset should the Iranian drive for expansionist be consumed by internal reconstruction and peaceful debate. This could mean changing relationships with Hezbollah, and the Arab Sunni bloc. The President is wise to dismiss McCain and Graham like annoying mosquitos.

SLASH: And I’d like to add that because the situation is so f’d up over there, I am sure Axyl is involved, you know? The $3,000 a bullet thing? He tried to get that in one of our riders . . . this whole thing is so Axyl. Effing drama queen.

RON: Fascinating. Breaking news here, an alliance between Amahdenijad and the man who once dated Stephanie Seymour. . . . More after the break. Coming up, Stephen Colbert, the guy who plays House on TV, Bill Murray with his military expertise from Stripes, and Agent Smith on how to crush a rebellion. We also have someone who claims to look alot like Audrey Hepburn. We’ll be right back.

These Twit experts are sponsored by Plavix. Plavix, when you need to Tweet without a crippling heart attack. We’ll start with you, Mr. Vice President, after the break just in case.


  1. kulic says

    My neighbor’s cat showed me a chipmunk it was in the process of killing (he does this as cats are wont to, slowly, over the course of hours). The chipmunk was just kinda hopping around and the cat was eyeing it with some disdain, as a kid with last years toy grown obsolete. The cat looked up at me and (because I am mad, or so we may pretend) said “See, this is cruel nature. The strong over the weak. If you can’t handle it Starros, you just aren’t man enough. You are too soft hearted Starros. Nature is cruel Starros.” Now, I could see well enough what the cat was getting at. The cat was arguing by analogy. The damn cat was arguing with a very /asinine/ analogy against a /straw man/. f**king neocon/estab cat. Stupid twerp. The most infuriating thing about arguments by analogy which happen to be asinine*, formless, and gormless, is that they are immune to formal refutation(you have to refute by some lengthy analogical excursions, it’s a forever trip to nowhere.). You just have to sit there foaming in indignation and collecting a day’s worth of cardiovascular disease. I went for a bike ride. I came back to tell the cat that it was a dumb asshole and had deliberately misrepresented my argument to avoid having to confront it properly, and that its analogy was retarded to the utmost, (to boot). But the old feline, it was gone.

    *An analogy is asinine which does not adequately translate the relevant particulars of the modeled situation into the expressed situation. Authority figures who style themselves Scholastic intellectuals of an Ancient-lineage love this kind of communication because it insulates them from any actual confrontation of substance. In the fiz, you get it a lot from your ‘betters’. It’s pathetic.

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