Final Version: Les Grossman Holds The Moscow Summit (NSFW) (Updated Post Summit)

Not Safe For Work Or Kids

DIET COKE !!!!

Long time readers know we’ve spent years and years immersed in U.S.-Soviet/Russian strategic issues, both through the traditional lense of American policy and academics as well as more, shall we say, hands on means. And it is certainly true that summit meetings used to be the professional equivalent of Live Aid. All scrambling to convey, discover to promote a ‘meaning’ discerned from conversations on Olympus. We just couldn’t summon the interest or energy to devote much attention to Obama’s all too predictable meetings in Moscow.

So we did the next best thing: imagined what real audacity would do with Putin and Medvedev. That can only mean one man: Les Grossman. If you’ve seen the movie ‘Tropic Thunder’ all should be clear. Les is a Hollywood producer, which in *that* universe is more powerful than the president of the United States. It’s also pretty damn funny. To us, anyway. So Les Grossman, meet Putin and Medvedev. To underscore: this is definitely *not safe for work* or kids. But enjoy on the Q T . . . (the following is in Flash, so you iOS kids are out of luck):

We keeed. We keeed because we love. Or used to. It also seems so remote.

This old hoary chestnut from STSOZ 1.0 shows how difficult even a hollow slogan like ‘reset’ will be (assuming the U.S. stumbles upon even the right word and this time then also spells it correctly in Russian). (Perhaps the savants at State will latch onto ‘abort’? Audit? Colonoscopy? Seriously. One really can’t be too imaginative and then be too bemused to see what emerges from the other end of the bureaucracy).

Inchoerent Hegemon

We’ve ultimately decided to skip making comments about Putin and Obama. Feels like joyless work. One reason? We spent so many years on the Sov front. Before the Russian Federation emerged. And the aftermath in the 1990s. Most the strategic errors in U.S.-Russian relations are in our opinion unfortunately more due to American ignorance, bellicosity, lack of historical perspective and plain Warlord recklessness. Like a car crash unfolding in slow motion, one could anticipate almost every Russian reaction to U.S. policy since 2001 years in advance. If anyone had a clue about Russian history, politics, society, etc. Oh wait, Cher Condi was a Russian ‘expert’. The prosecution rests. So even typing why we don’t have the energy to comment on the summit feels like rehashing the obvious.

Frankly, we’re a bit envious of the young wonks, ‘specialists’ and bloggers on this topic. Everything is fresh and new. Soviet Union? Might as well be Carthage. The supreme Soviet/Russian leader hiding behind a cats paw to retain power and manipulate the West? Why, it’s shocking and a totally new development and so on. These are the same youngsters who can close a bar drunkenly talking about health care savings account and productivity offsets via deferred cost structures tied to section blah blah of the Code. We envy their ability to be so consumed. And also want to shoot them. (Metaphorically, with an ironic finger pistol – relax our dear Bureau Friends and your NSL xerox mills).

So forgive us if we close with Les Grossman once again. Celebrating the conclusion of the Putin-Medvedev summit. Yes, yes, we know, our peers, mentors and old friends from the Soviet/Russian days/arena are likely shaking their heads. But we’ve paid our dues. Don’t be a playah hata.