Final Version: Les Grossman Holds The Moscow Summit (NSFW) (Updated Post Summit)

Not Safe For Work Or Kids

DIET COKE !!!!

Long time readers know we’ve spent years and years immersed in U.S.-Soviet/Russian strategic issues, both through the traditional lense of American policy and academics as well as more, shall we say, hands on means. And it is certainly true that summit meetings used to be the professional equivalent of Live Aid. All scrambling to convey, discover to promote a ‘meaning’ discerned from conversations on Olympus. We just couldn’t summon the interest or energy to devote much attention to Obama’s all too predictable meetings in Moscow.

So we did the next best thing: imagined what real audacity would do with Putin and Medvedev. That can only mean one man: Les Grossman. If you’ve seen the movie ‘Tropic Thunder’ all should be clear. Les is a Hollywood producer, which in *that* universe is more powerful than the president of the United States. It’s also pretty damn funny. To us, anyway. So Les Grossman, meet Putin and Medvedev. To underscore: this is definitely *not safe for work* or kids. But enjoy on the Q T . . . (the following is in Flash, so you iOS kids are out of luck):

We keeed. We keeed because we love. Or used to. It also seems so remote.

This old hoary chestnut from STSOZ 1.0 shows how difficult even a hollow slogan like ‘reset’ will be (assuming the U.S. stumbles upon even the right word and this time then also spells it correctly in Russian). (Perhaps the savants at State will latch onto ‘abort’? Audit? Colonoscopy? Seriously. One really can’t be too imaginative and then be too bemused to see what emerges from the other end of the bureaucracy).

Inchoerent Hegemon

We’ve ultimately decided to skip making comments about Putin and Obama. Feels like joyless work. One reason? We spent so many years on the Sov front. Before the Russian Federation emerged. And the aftermath in the 1990s. Most the strategic errors in U.S.-Russian relations are in our opinion unfortunately more due to American ignorance, bellicosity, lack of historical perspective and plain Warlord recklessness. Like a car crash unfolding in slow motion, one could anticipate almost every Russian reaction to U.S. policy since 2001 years in advance. If anyone had a clue about Russian history, politics, society, etc. Oh wait, Cher Condi was a Russian ‘expert’. The prosecution rests. So even typing why we don’t have the energy to comment on the summit feels like rehashing the obvious.

Frankly, we’re a bit envious of the young wonks, ‘specialists’ and bloggers on this topic. Everything is fresh and new. Soviet Union? Might as well be Carthage. The supreme Soviet/Russian leader hiding behind a cats paw to retain power and manipulate the West? Why, it’s shocking and a totally new development and so on. These are the same youngsters who can close a bar drunkenly talking about health care savings account and productivity offsets via deferred cost structures tied to section blah blah of the Code. We envy their ability to be so consumed. And also want to shoot them. (Metaphorically, with an ironic finger pistol – relax our dear Bureau Friends and your NSL xerox mills).

So forgive us if we close with Les Grossman once again. Celebrating the conclusion of the Putin-Medvedev summit. Yes, yes, we know, our peers, mentors and old friends from the Soviet/Russian days/arena are likely shaking their heads. But we’ve paid our dues. Don’t be a playah hata.

Comments

  1. Hunter says

    “These are the same youngsters who can close a bar drunkenly talking about health care savings account and productivity offsets via deferred cost structures tied to section blah blah of the Code.”

    Represent!

  2. Dr Leo Strauss says

    Call us Old Skool, but Panetta is . . . weak . . . running to Congress in a “I’m telling, I’m telling” panic. Granted we’ve called for CIA to expire a thousand times. To be replaced by Some New Thing (the SNT). But even the scant vets still punching the clock today have got to be disgusted with Panetta living down to the dreaded ‘p’ word. His hatchlings also must be clucking up a storm: @DIRECTOR LEON, U SO P WHIPPED LUSER LOLZ.

    No surprise Tenet’s Agency couldn’t get a hit team together — it’s alot harder culturally, logistically and capability-wise than anything the post-Phoenix/post-Church gimp Agency could do, let alone as self parody under Tenet. Even Casey outsourced his hits through the Saudis in a botched effort to strike at those holding our hostages in the Middle East. But Tenet et al. were right to try even though it was doomed. We would vote summary bureaucratic termination for incompetence if they didn’t try.

    All the fumbling resulted in nada, zip, squat. So there’s no reason to brief Congress on purely notional, incompetent – well, typical Tenet CIAisms. Panetta’s running to Congress now in this fashion and in this environment is Palin-esque. And Exhibit No. 1,296 in the Stiftung’s case that CIA is dead. It has ceased to be, it is no more, it is a late CIA, it has met it’s maker. And no, it’s not just resting, pining for the fjords.

    As for what Cambone was up to, it was an open secret-but-incredibly-secret-like-you-wouldn’t-believe that Rummy had his private Army of the Potomac, including hitters. They were right operationally to draw from SOCOM. We wrote about this over at STOZ 1.0 even before Hersh as we recall. Our memory is not what it was. But anyone spending anytime with Cambone and OSD could read the signs, especially when Rummy turned SOCOM up to 11, as they say. Beyond that we will not go on a blog.

    Those kind of hearings are worth having. The militarization of intelligence overall, OSD’s evasion of law and regulation by expanding Tactical and Intelligence Related [Military] Activities [TIARA] loop holes and Cambone/OSD’s drive for ‘persistent’ 24/7 battlespace intelligence and surveillance, acquisition, targeting and kill assessment (SATKA).

    But Panetta? His flighty excitability not exactly the best cut of the jib.

  3. Comment says

    It seemed at the time to us that Pelosi was unwise and indiscreet but telling a mostly truth when she said they did not tell her the truth – But she probably did not inquire too much into the truth; she may not wanted to know the details or allowed herself to convey that impression.

  4. Anon says

    Hey, the CIA is getting battered bad this week. First they “discover” suddenly it has lied to congress (DUH, not that telling the truth would have altered things with the DUMA we have in place).
    Then the TIA successor program gets “discovered”.
    Is Panetta doing anything right or have rats started abandoning overlord’s ship ?

  5. Comment says

    Leo, have you been to dinner at the Weymouths lately? Or is the Stiftung too cost concious?

  6. Anon says

    Feh, while the Beck & Palin circus goes on, we get the public option taken of the “health care reform” and the teeth taken off the bank regulation reforms.

  7. Comment says

    The GOP has already been Palinized – It’s her party. Alaska is big and cold and she has lots of problems there, so she’ll opt to be a rock star instead.

  8. Aldershot says

    Palin’s one route to the presidency involves electrical currents, sleep deprivation, and a G.I. Jane hair-cut. As she lacks the discipline to carry this off, she’ll probably pull a Huckabee and opt for a talk show. If she does, I foresee her leaving Oprah in the dust…politics, parenting, sex, scandal…she has it all.

  9. DBake says

    [SLS Insert: DBake and Aldershot below are discussing a Palin joke in the original placeholder item – that entire section got deleted when the Stiftung amassed enough Diet Coke to write a proper post].

    ———-

    *Literally* her oyster.
    It’s really amazing that Palin was able to find a spokesperson whose command of the English language nearly matched her own. There should be a buddy movie about the two of them. With subtitles.
    Okay, MoDo-ey snark over.

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