Tipping Into The Abyss

(Januarius 3, Cicero News, Moesia) The campaigning is over. Finally Octavian, Antony and Lepidus await the outcome of the Moesian caucus. All candidates have worked hard to court support of Thracian caucus goers to decide which member of the triumvirate will end the republic. All analysts agree that roust out is the key. The candidates with the organization to coerce the most to attend, especially from remote mountainous areas, have the advantage.

Timorous Russertus sent a scroll back to Rome declaring that “the entire universe now turns its eyes to Moesia.” Russertus reports that he has spent hours with the candidates and lessor minions. He tirelessly compared their promises to Thracian caucus attendees today and what they said at Palpatine Hill dinner parties years ago.

Lepidus, arriving via ship from the Pontus Euxinus called a throng to the forum at Naissus. There, he declared that he would not besmirch Octavian with negative stonework. He then showed the actual art work to the natives. Meanwhile, Octavian and Antony hurled accusations against each other over Grecian queen of Egypt, Cleopatra. Octavian and his sister denied reports that they referred to her as “that Grecian child-bearing bitch”. Antony’s spokesmen angrily demanded a retraction. Antony’s wife, Octavian’s sister, simply said “no comment.” How Thracians will react to the charge and countercharge is uncertain.

Octavian charged that Lepidus’ campaign targeting of Dacian religious fundamentalists in Moesia proves he is playing “the Zeus card”. The Lepidus campaign is actively courting devout Dacians, some of whom reject the Roman pantheon and Jove as “a shoddy Roman knock off”. Lepidus, playing the lute before large crowds, made no apologies for his campaign’s religious outreach. “Rome is worth [a small animal] sacrifice.”

In the final hours, controversy swirled over when Lepidus became aware of the Parthian Estimate by the Vestal Thinkers. Octavian charged that Lepidus’ 30 hour failure to read the declassified scrolls proves he is not fit to protect Rome from foreign dangers.

The Moesian caucuses are the first test of which candidate will have the legs to continue on to Dalmatia and Aquitinania before Super Dies Martis. Russertus in his scroll reports that historically “a first or second place finish is vital. Third will mean the end.”


  1. Aldershot says

    “Indeed, GWB is far more well read than Tweety.”

    Say it ain’t so.

    No, I didn’t catch the Chuck Norris references…but just for the record, not a Chuck Norris fan, but he’s a nice guy.

    So maybe Tweety will glom onto Obama as the reincarnated FDR? It certainly feels like we’re heading toward hard times.

  2. Comment says

    Ok – if Hill goes Neg, then maybe Tweety will grok comparing that to either The Night of the Long Knives or Kristalnacht. The problem is that Tweety – for all his vast pretensions to Churchill knowledge – would have difficulty placing Obama in ww2 metaphorical context. He may be unaware of much of what happened in the war outside of FDR-centric books.

  3. Comment says

    Tweety actually alluded to Vince Foster’s death one time when cataloguing HRC’s faults. The unspoken insinuation was that she may have had some sort of hand in his demise. Perhaps Tweety thinks Ken Starr covered up for her when he investigated that death? This was one of those moments when Tweety revealed himself to be no better than the slobs. It’s such a joke that he has received honorary degrees from serious universities. Did you happen to see him try to play some dumb elitism game by quizing his panel about whether or not they have seen Chuck Norris movies? Tweety wanted to have it both ways – score the panel for being elite, but then say he never watched them. But Tweety is probably not much more well read than Chuck Norris – He certainly is not as well read as Huckabee, since the rustic preacher has read the Bible and Tweety has to confess his total ignorance about the Bible everytime Hitchens alludes to some obscure mayhem in the text. Indeed, GWB is far more well read than Tweety. When we get the chance, we’ll have to dig out his books to show how Tweety even copies his own work in his own medicore books.

  4. Aldershot says

    The odd thing about Tweets is that there isn’t even the semblance of objectivity. I can’t remember well enough to paraphrase, but at one point last night he was essentially saying that the Clinton machine would be launched against Obama. IIRC.

  5. Dr.LeoStrauss says

    re USSR analogies, Tweety would brush them aside as effete intellectualism and joke with Howard Fineman that he (Tweety) is just a plain speaking, simple guy from the streets of Philadelphia and that Americans want plain talk.

    Then Tweety would launch into a castration-driven tirade against HRC before Fineman reigns him in with a nudge. Yet Tweety would remember the USSR analogy and drop it at a Georgetown cocktail party . . .

  6. Comment says

    Just a side comment – Obama did better than 38 percent. But his numbers were weighted disfferently because of the way Iowa weights caucus participants from different areas.
    Barack has to win NH and SC to have a chance. HRC will fight the whole way and she will need to be defeated three times in order to havok with her base in a sufficient way.

    Were Comment on Tweety’s show – we’d liken HRC to the old USSR and say Iowa was not her Afganistan, but more like her having to participate in Helsinki talks – setting her up for trouble later on. If Barack wins super tuesday, that will be like Beril wall coming down. But we would never actually makes this stupid analogy.

  7. Comment says

    We had made an audacious endorsement of Obama before he actually announced. During the debates , we thought his tentative performance indicated trouble. Some spoke working for him spoke knowingly of pacing and his awareness of Nixon’s maxims about peaking too soon. So we shall see. HRC’s visuals were terrible – all those old news faces up on stage. Madeline Albright was up there pretending to be the future.

  8. Aldershot says

    “Comment was pleased mightily to see Obama rally and triumph – We had been worried during his early debates.”

    Can we consider that an official Obama endorsement?

    I haven’t decided by a long shot, by I did feel sorry for Hilldog tonight. She’d tried so damn HARD.

  9. Aldershot says

    It looks like Thompson will come in third…I thought it might be McCain.

    I agree about Buchanan compared to Tweety and Tucker; he comes across as the kindly, restrained sage.

    Gee, Comment, I do like Tweety’s crib perhaps being subconsciously meant, also Hillary as Herod…heh.

  10. Comment says

    Last note – Interesting to see Obama at the podium clapping and clapping. Tweety goes nuts when HRC does this – He calls it Chinese or whatever. – But he was silent and respectful when Obama did the same thing. Obama’s speech was good – excelllent for that type of speech. Only downside was when he broke his rhythym a bit a began a litany about taxes and health care. But his conclusion was excellent.

  11. Comment says

    re Matthew and Hardball – We were struck by Tweety’s choice of anecdote when he wanted to dump on HRC – He mocked her for (correctly) calling some dumb health care initiative (powering up local school infirmaries – school nurses) “small bore.”

    Normally – this would be no big deal, but Matthews seems to have a fetish for this program, just like he played that “evil men” clip several hundred times.

    Why does Tweety want to put Federal money into local schools for health care purposes?

    This is a guess – But subconsciously he senses a flytrap in the making for culture wars over condoms and pills and health education etc – That’s why he wants schools to get the money. A real heath care system would be boring re social wars. But if schools were empowered to deliver primary health care, Tweety would have an excuse to invite blowhard Donahue on his show every week.

  12. Comment says

    An Obama presidency would pose many problems for Tweety – Matthews is totally caught up in boomer anxieties, far more than most boomers. He is heavily influenced by Image and shifting sands. He is very light minded. Also – perhaps Leo agrees, but we doubt that he really understands the pop culture from his own time, much less current.

  13. Comment says

    re Tweety – It’s odd, but Buchanan is usually the sane one when he is on with Tweety or Tucker or Keith. He’s often the only one who does not make gratuitious insults , nor does he rely on pure cant to get thru the block.
    Matthews rarely says anything of true value. He is still trying to plant the idea that Obama is Moslem in the mind of listeners, while shifting blame for this to others. He repeats the M word over and over again – What a slob.

  14. Comment says

    Comment was pleased mightily to see Obama rally and triumph – We had been worried during his early debates. But Tweety made us feel bad for Mrs. Clinton – Tweety spent the lead up to Christmas suggesting HRC was trying to kill Obama’s candidacy in the crib. It’s unclear or debatable if Tweety was thinking “crib” in the hip-hop sense, in the back of his mind – But he was obviously (maybe subconsciously) comparinging HRC to Herod and Obama to Jesus (temporarily – he will turn against Obama eventually).
    Also – Tweety got the back of the hand from Huckabee tonight – It was blessed indeed to watch Huckabee correct Tweety for misstating the content of a Jerusalem Post article – Did you catch that? Tweety obviously misrepresented what Jpost printed in an attempt to coax and unsophesticated rube-like response from Huckabee. But Huckabee just pointed out that it was an AP reprint and Tweety was floored. What a d**s****. We are not Huckabee fans, but that was a good moment.
    You are correct that he needs HRC. He needs her to batter her so he can find himself. It’s sad.

    All night long he was filled with nasty asides.

  15. Dr.LeoStrauss says

    Strolled by the tee vee and caught the Tweetster in mid flight, a slight spittle gleaming — whatever will he do if they move to high definition broadcasting?

    He seemed unbalanced more than usual, thrilled at the prospect he could gloat for weeks that “the upstart” Hillary lost, but also not clear what he can with Obama for his nightly schtick. Mercifully, he already had Imus help draw one bright line for him. Oddly, Tweety needs HRC — to stay mad, tp stay manic, to “create good tee vee we know and love.”

    Still, I have faith and hope, and those aren’t two dancers from Strawberry Point, Iowa.

  16. Comment says

    Sort of OT – But watching Tweety – he is on cable now trying to swing the caucus – But he is a phony. He just reiterates the Irish Intrade market picks with some modification to fit his own agenda. But he pretends this is a thought out analysis.

  17. Aldershot says

    “9. The cleverest way to open a bottle is with a sabre, known as Sabrage. Don’t try when hammered.”


  18. Aldershot says

    And what news have you of Rischay Atthewsmay? Has he discovered a manly musk about the person of Merelhay Uddfay?

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