The Declaration Of Independence Written With Today’s Mentality

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to execute this END-USER LICENSE AGREEMENT WITH {subjects, citizens *customers*} for the decent respect of Delaware Chancery Court precedent:

We hold these truths to be self evident and IMPORTANT. PLEASE READ THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT CAREFULLY BEFORE CONTINUING WITH THIS DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE (“The DECLARATION”). The Continental Congress’ End-User License Agreement (“EULA”) is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or a single entity) and the Continental Congress.

Use of the Continental Congress’ DECLARATION incorporates by reference any associated product(s) including written components, media, pamphlets and pictographic or printed materials, or other information encoded in binary form for copying, storage and distribution by any other means, physical or otherwise from or to Chinese devices. By reading, copying, or otherwise using the DECLARATION, you agree to be bound by the terms of this EULA.

This EULA represents the entire agreement concerning the ‘revolution’ product and related marketing materials between you and the Continental Congress (also referred to as “Licensor”). The EULA supersedes any prior proposal, representation, or understanding between the parties. If you do not agree to the terms of this EULA, do not read, copy or talk about the DECLARATION.

The DECLARATION is protected by all applicable copyright and intellectual property laws and international copyright and intellectual property treaties. The DECLARATION is licensed, not sold.


The DECLARATION is licensed as follows:

(a) Installation and Use.
The Continental Congress grants you the right to read and use copies of the DECLARATION in your homes and place of work for your private use only, provided that your reading or display of the DECLARATION is based on a validly licensed copy of the printing system for which the DECLARATION was designed [e.g., John Adams 75, Adams Vista, Franklin XP, ThomJeff ME].

(b) Backup Copies.
You may make copies of the DECLARATION as may be necessary solely for backup and archival purposes.


(a) Maintenance of Copyright Notices.
You must not remove or alter any copyright notices on any and all copies of the DECLARATION.

(b) Distribution.
You may not distribute registered copies of the DECLARATION to third parties. Evaluation versions available for agitation from the Continental Congress’s media relations department may be freely distributed.

(c) Prohibition on Reverse Engineering, Decompilation, and Disassembly.
You may not use pig latin, reverse engineer, decompile, or spindle the DECLARATION, except and only to the extent that such activity is expressly permitted by applicable law notwithstanding this limitation.

(d) Rental.
You may not rent, lease, or lend the DECLARATION.

(e) Support Services.
The Continental Congress may provide you with support services related to the DECLARATION (“Support Services”). Any supplemental written stuff provided to you as part of the Support Services shall be considered part of the DECLARATION and subject to the terms and conditions of this EULA.

(f) Compliance with Applicable Laws.
You must comply with all applicable laws regarding use of the DECLARATION — except for the whole rebellion thing.


Without prejudice to any other rights, the Continental Congress may terminate this EULA if you fail to comply with its terms and conditions. In such event, you must destroy all copies of the DECLARATION in your possession.


All title, including but not limited to copyrights, in and to the DECLARATION and any copies thereof are owned by the Continental Congress and Red Head Productions, LLC. All title and intellectual property rights in and to the content which may be accessed through use of the DECLARATION is the property of the respective content owner and may be protected by applicable copyright or other intellectual property laws and treaties. This EULA grants you no rights to use such content. All rights not expressly granted are reserved by the Continental Congress and Red Head Productions, LLC.


The Continental Congress expressly disclaims any warranty for the DECLARATION which is provided ‘As Is’ without any express or implied warranty of any kind, including but not limited to any warranties of merchantability, non-infringement, or fitness of a particular purpose. The Continental Congress does not warrant or assume responsibility for the accuracy or completeness of any information, text, graphics, links or other items contained within the DECLARATION. The Continental Congress makes no warranties respecting any harm that may be caused by the reading of the DECLARATION, whether by cannon shot, musket ball, bayonet, sword or other means of physical or emotional action.


In no event shall the Continental Congress be liable for any damages (including, without limitation, lost profits, business interruption, or lost information) rising out of ‘Authorized Users’ use of or inability to use the DECLARATION, even if the Continental Congress has been advised of the possibility of such damages. In no event will the Continental Congress be liable for loss of life, liberty or pursuit of happiness, or for indirect, special, incidental, consequential (including lost profit), or other damages based in contract, tort or otherwise. The Continental Congress shall have no liability with respect to the content of the DECLARATION or any part thereof, including but not limited to errors or omissions contained therein, libel, infringements of rights of publicity, privacy, trademark rights, business interruption, personal injury, loss of privacy, moral rights or the disclosure of confidential information.


The King of England is a jerk. Let’s get rid of the Brits and build lots of strip malls. Who’s with us?